When Normal is Disordered
Recovery can be really confusing to navigate when you’re steeped in a culture that normalizes disordered eating. Not only is it kind of hard to learn how to eat Cheez-Its in a room full of gluten-fearing, low-carb, intermittent-fasting peers, but when letting go of your eating disorder sounds more unhealthy than healthy to the people around you, things get confusing, fast.
When what’s actually normal and healthy is muddled by common misperceptions, cultural fears, and pervasive misinformation, the question becomes:
How do you recover when “normal” eating is no longer the norm?
I was the saltiest person to be around during my recovery. I was continually upset that everyone around me was allowed to “eat healthy,” and I was doomed to choose between diving face-first into a life of unhealthy junk food, or sliding back into my all-consuming disorder. It didn’t feel fair that normal people could follow healthier diets and I had to turn the other cheek.
I failed to realize these two things:
I was still evaluating food in terms of “good” or “bad,” and;
I was already stuck in my disorder by remaining semi-recovered.
The truth is, I was keeping one foot in the door of disordered eating, and I was using old coping mechanisms to quell my anxiety about acting recovered.
The problem was: just because I was eating more, I thought I was recovering. But in reality, I had swapped one eating disorder for another. Because for the longest time…
I fooled myself into thinking I could half-a$$ my recovery, then I wondered why I was still only semi-recovered.
I thought:
As long as I’m eating “enough,” I can still…
…eat “healthy.”
…avoid some “bad” foods.
…participate in compulsive exercise.
…and generally: try to control every circumstance other than the amount I ate.
But friend, this 👆🏼 is the definition of How to Stay in Semi-Recovery.
If you want to stay in recovery forever, all you have to do is embrace the milieu: an overwhelming fear of becoming unhealthy.
Eat, but not too much.
Push the envelope, but not too far.
Challenge your ED habits, but trust some of them.
Stop trying to control everything, except the things that might save you from becoming “unhealthy.”
Eat junk food, but in moderation.
Let go, but don’t go too far.
Gain weight, but don’t get fat.
In a nutshell, the message is this:
Recover, but not too much.
The problem with trying not to stray too far from our disordered culture is just that: our culture is disordered!
Here’s the hitch: eating disorders are mental disorders.
And in the thick of your disorder, your brain learns new patterns of thinking and being. Therefore, if you want to stop being disordered…
You need to stop thinking & acting disordered.
Think of it this way:
Our culture encompasses many things, including the way we use alcohol. College students throw keggers, people drink at gatherings, and movies glorify being hammered. For an alcoholic to recover amidst this, they must no longer participate in those pieces of our culture. Just like they can’t suddenly decide to be moderate, social drinkers, you can’t suddenly decide to keep one toe dipped in the waters of casual dieting and “healthy” eating. For recovering alcoholics, that doesn’t mean they’ll never make friends or have fun, and for you:
Recovery doesn’t mean you’ll never be healthy.
Yes, you must let go of the unfounded idea of “healthy eating.” And yes, this means that as long as you want to be fully recovered, you need to step away from diets, cleanses, and “lifestyles.” But not participating in these things doesn’t automatically bar you from being healthy. In fact, it does the opposite. We go WAY more in depth on this in my ebook, but for now…
Remember this:
Your eating disorder is what’s unhealthy.
So,
If you want to be healthy, the best way to accomplish that is to recover.
So, eat an appetizer before anyone else reaches for them. Serve yourself seconds when nobody else dares. Don’t be one of those people who asks for “just a sliver” of birthday cake. Order what you want from the restaurant. Get your coffee the way you like it. And remember:
No diet can ever make you healthier than recovery can.
All my love,
🩵
Maria
P.S. Want to learn more? Check out my recovery guide here.
