Stop Overthinking Recovery

If you’ve read my blog before, you’ve probably noticed a common thread:

Almost everything in eating disorder recovery centers around “eating your way to remission.”

I end up saying this all. the. time. But what do I really mean? Let’s talk about it:

Eating disorder treatment is generally honed in on the why.

Treatment centers employ therapists, psychologists, and social workers, and, naturally, the bulk of their methods are going to center around talking: talking about trauma, about current challenges, anxiety, wildly vacillating feelings, and everything under the sun that could ever possibly be related to disordered eating. Psychology and therapy have a place in eating disorder recovery, but no matter how well-meaning treatment professionals are, ultimately…

You can’t talk your way into remission.

If you’re honed in on figuring out the why (or even the how) of your eating disorder, you’re missing the forest for the trees.

The common method of treatment makes me think of an old Buddhist parable:

A group of blind men were traveling a road when they came across an elephant. When they found it, they groped about it to discover what it was. The first person, whose hand landed on the trunk, said, "This being is like a thick snake.” For another one whose hand reached its ear, it seemed like a kind of fan. As for another, whose hand was upon its leg, the elephant was more like a tree-trunk. The blind man who placed his hand upon its side said the elephant was immovable, like a wall. Another who felt its tail, described it as a rope. And the last felt its tusk, stating the elephant is that which is hard, smooth and like a spear.

The men then proceed to argue over what exactly an elephant is, but they all fail to realize one very important thing: all they have to do to get to their destination is walk around it.

My point is: you can analyze an eating disorder to death.

But defining the parameters of your illness won’t really accomplish anything. Naming something doesn’t make it go away. And spending your time obsessing over what your eating disorder is will never help you move forward.

In the end, you heal by doing.

A huge part of recovery is learning to change the way your brain responds to food. I outline exactly how to do this in my ebook, but the basic gist is:

Eat the food.

In a nutshell, to change your brain’s negative response to food, you need to do the exact opposite of what your eating disorder’s comfortable doing. You reach remission by doing, not by talking, or analyzing, or defining, or even medicating. So when I say you need to “eat your way to remission,” I really mean exactly that:

To reach remission: keep eating.

Think about it: in the most basic sense, eating disorders are a food avoidance disorder. In a way, they’re kind of like a phobia.

Let me ask you something:

Have you ever been so scared of something, it made you unreasonably anxious, or even physically ill?? Maybe it was a class presentation, or spiders, or even online dating. For me… it was swimming lessons.

When I was a toddler, I used to absolutely dread swimming lessons. Maybe it was the unnecessarily cold water, or maybe it was the old hairy swim teacher that wouldn’t let go of my armpits, but every drive we took over to the Percy Walker Pool was like a stab in the gut - honestly, I’m surprised I never barfed on the way there. Fast forward to today, and you’d be hard pressed to get me out of the water if I ever get the chance to swim. So what changed?

Exposure, my friend.

I swam enough times to finally stop fearing the water, and now, I enjoy it more than anyone else. After all those times getting in the water and proving to myself there was nothing to fear, my brain realized it could chill out a little, and I was finally free to just enjoy myself.

My point is: kind of like a fear of swimming, eating disorders are a fear of eating. Swim enough times, and you’ll learn to enjoy floating. Eat enough times, and you’ll learn to enjoy a meal.

What it all boils down to is the main goal of recovery: if you want to prove to your brain that food is nothing to fear, just telling yourself food is safe won’t do the trick: you need to prove it by doing the very thing you fear: eating.

Eat what scares you, around whoever you’re afraid to see you eating, wherever it scares you, and when it scares you to eat.

Because in the end:

Remission is reached by doing.

I know you can do this.

Maria